Praise of Dust

February 1, 2013 (Psalm 30, Chronicles 26)

It was you who pushed me from the womb – from the warm core of the only world I knew; you drew me out into a dark sea and bade me crawl to the starlight, to crawl until I reached the place where the night meets the shore.  And as I drew myself across that endless ocean floor I dreamed of breathing…breathing the light of stars, the ether of free space.

And just as I began to hope – just as I began to see my destiny glimmer beyond life’s membrane – you pulled me back.  You pulled me back and you drug me down until I drowned beneath the waters; you pulled me down and pushed me headfirst into the underworld where you kept me bound in irons for an age, now ancient.  And then, when it suited you, you poured me onto the earth. You poured me out; like molten mirror glass I floated across the still water. You stretched me out and spread me thin.  And the stars watched. And when I had reached my limit, when I had nowhere else to go, you closed the gates set into the walls of my horizon and my dreams fell, exhausted. And then the walls came in; my future shrank until I felt my bones folding – until I heard them breaking – and still you pressed me. You pressed me into a narrow space until I had no choice but to stand upright and lift my face to breathe…light.

Year upon year, there I stood – the first to see the morning, the last to see the sunset. My days were like years but I needed no rest, I could see the stars and I knew they could see me.

And I, above all creation, received your tribute.  From the coast came streams of gray-beard clouds, the emissaries of conquered oceans, and heavy-laden they stumbled on the frozen steps of my tall throne and spilled there your gift of fresh water from a humble spring.  But in even this was I glorified, for the snow fell and I was robed in white.  And I stood strong and proud beneath the cloak of winter.

And then a time came when the earth was tilted and the season changed.  And one spring day the sun raised high above me and shone his face upon mine and gave me warmth. But I turned away; those eyes are too bright to see. Still, at last, the new day caught me and I was burned; my skin cracked and then burst and my flesh fell like ash onto the slopes of melting pride. And in my pain, cold prayers fell from my mouth and drifted down the valley like wet incense, smoldering.

And in the forest, time hid waiting for the scent of my weakness and from the tree line sprang a hungry wind. In an instant, it was upon me.  It climbed my heels and tore at my flanks until it should bring me down, but yet it did not.  And for many years more I rose still above all creation. 

Until at last, my strength hanging in shreds, cold and naked, I knelt down.  And there I stayed until the lichen came.  And they, the tiny together, covered me complete with their finest brown-gold furs and charm-blue graces until their kindness broke me at last and I was brought full down.

Many times now I have been broken, thinking each would be the last. Finer and finer I have been sifted by your tenderness until I hope I am finally free of myself.  I am dust, this is my praise.

Down to Joppa

Now there was in Joppa a disciple named Tabitha, which, translated, means Dorcas. She was full of good works and acts of charity. In those days she became ill and died, and when they had washed her, they laid her in an upper room. Since Lydda was near Joppa, the disciples, hearing that Peter was there, sent two men to him, urging him, “Please come to us without delay.” So Peter rose and went with them. And when he arrived, they took him to the upper room. All the widows stood beside him weeping and showing tunics and other garments that Dorcas made while she was with them. But Peter put them all outside, and knelt down and prayed; and turning to the body he said, “Tabitha, arise.” And she opened her eyes, and when she saw Peter she sat up. And he gave her his hand and raised her up. Then calling the saints and widows, he presented her alive. And it became known throughout all Joppa, and many believed in the Lord.

(Acts 9:36-42 ESV)

Down to Joppa

February 12, 2013

Peter walked down to the gates this morning,

Down a road he has walked before.

Peter walked out through the gates this morning,

Down to Joppa, Peter went once more.

Peter went there cause he heard some crying-

Sisters weeping and calling her name.

Peter went there and he found them praying;

Sisters calling on the Lord by name.

Peter walked out through the gates this morning,

Down to Joppa, Peter went once more.

Peter came in and he found them mourning

On their knees and deep in prayer.

Peter told them they could stop their crying,

“Sisters come on, let’s go downstairs.”

Peter said, “Now, you can stop that worrying.

Don’t you worry, now that I’m here.”

Peter said, “You know, there’s no more hurting.

Don’t you worry, now the Lord is near.”

Peter walked out through the gates this morning,

Down to Joppa, Peter went once more.

Peter went up and he found her lying

On the bed the sisters had made.

Peter saw then how they loved her sowing.

On the headboard, there her work was laid.

Peter knelt down and he started praying

For his sister, sweet child of God.

Peter said, “Now, it’s time we were going.

He wants you with him, the Lamb of God.”

Peter walked out through the gates this morning

Down to Joppa, Peter came once more.

Love you, Mom.

Bring it

January 4, 2013

Bring it, bring it, bring it

I got Nothing, but he said

Bring it, bring it, bring it

To me.

My car is broken

My house is rotten

I got Nothing

Worth keeping.

He said,

Bring it to me.

Bring it, bring it, bring it

I got Nothing, but he said

Bring it, bring it, bring it

To me.

My heart is broken

My soul is rotten

I got Nothing

Worth keeping.

He said,

Bring it to me.

Bring it, bring it, bring it

I got Nothing, but he said

Bring it, bring it, bring it

To me.

Luke 21:1-4

Cain's Lament

January 4, 2013

Master, will you not take from my hand

 The fruit of my labor?

Here, with all my reach

I hold it up to you.

Take it.

Is it bitter?

 It is all I can do

For the ground is hard;

 My back…the field breaks it

With its furrow-teeth.

It is all I can do.

Take it.

I hold it up to you-

 This small seed, my very soul.

Is it dry- mere dust to you?

 For you know there is no rain.

And I have no water within me;

My blood is rust.

Will you not take it?

It is all I can do.

Let the ground cry my name,

For I have fought it.

I have…day upon days…

Torn from its side the stubborn

Roots of thorn and thistle.

And these scars on my face…

Do they not testify

This is all I can do?

Take it.

And there stands my brother-

His offering accepted.

And I saw you touch him

When he held up to you

The fat of the lamb.

You took it.

He has done so little, master.

Is this right that he live beyond

The law?

Is he not bound, like me,

To this ground?

This world, that lies heavy in my lungs,

My brother escapes somehow.

But this lamb…this lamb you gave him…

Will not escape my brother’s knife.

And you are pleased?

Was the lamb not born in your own stables,

Fed in your own fields,

Washed in your own river?

This gift you give yourself…

Why credit my brother?

Here…here I hold up to you…

With my full length extended…

All that I can do.

And you will not

Take it.

Master, do not look for me today.

I have gone to water the field,

 For I hear it crying…

It is forever crying…

For my father’s blood.

Five18

October 30, 2007 5:18 a.m.

When I was little,

The clock stopped

On Christmas Eve

And jumped straight to

GI Joes

In a wink and a blink

And a touch of his nose.

But the days came --

The bleaching reality came --

And where my heart not sealed,

My joy, my joy, lost its color.

And so my life passed.

And when I was dying,

The Dark Accountant came

And left, beside me lying,

Different presents that crawled from

Memory to memory

And covered them

With pain –

Which is joy, rotten.

But now --

Benignly now,

The night passes

Time with me.

(He is older, you see)

And together we count my debts.

While to men, these debts growing…

My debts to God – no one knowing,

He has forgotten.

Calli Come Here to Me

January 23, 2013

Sitting here I can barely see the morning leaking through window. The shade is drawn. The glass is dirty. The air is gray. And as far as I can see, I see motherless children and husbands alone.

But called, I step out on the porch and hear...faintly, as my hearing is poor these days... the little birds that your mother fed, the very tiny ones that even your old father loves.

They sing,

"Come out, come out...come out to us.

Come with, come with...come go with us.

Blind can see...blind can see.

Love you...love you

Come here to me... come here to me.”

Build it

January 25, 2013

My father said,

Son, we’re gonna build

A house, and you…you and I

We’re going to build it

Yes, we’re going to build it

Together.

And ours will be fine house,

A place fit for a king

With silver stands and lamps of gold.

The old man said,

Son, we’re gonna live

There forever...you and I

We’re gonna live there

Yes, we’re gonna live there

Forever.

And our ours will be a good house,

A place up standing

With wings outstretched, cherubim of God.

My father said,

Son, I’ve got a plan

A plan, and you… you and I

We’ll figure this out

Yes, we’ll figure this out

Together.

And ours will be a kind home,

A place where we bring

Our friends; our enemies now so old.

And father said,

Son, we’re gonna open

Our hearts, and you…you and I

We’re gonna live there

Yes, we’re gonna live there

Forever.

Son,

Don’t be afraid,

Don’t be dismayed

We’ll do it, you…you and I

We’ll be brave and

Love each other.

Then David said to Solomon his son, “Be strong and courageous and do it. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed, for the LORD God, even my God, is with you. He will not leave you or forsake you, until all the work for the service of the house of the LORD is finished.

(1 Chronicles 28:20 ESV)

Where it Starts

November 2, 2012

I want to tell you a story
But I don’t know where it starts.
I am just sitting in it
And I can feel it, but I can’t place it
In the sun come up and then go downs
That pass through our backyard.

I want to tell you a story
And I think it means something
Because I’m loving in it.
And I can hear it, but I can’t tell it
To the children that grow up and then fall down
In the grass of our backyard.

I want to tell you a story
And I don’t know where it ends
Because I am living in it.
And I can see it, but I can’t trace it
Through the trees climbing up; their leaves falling down
On the Grace of our backyard.

Mares' Tails

September 29, 2009 9:13pm

The mares tails went from left to right

From noon to nine and past

They scratched the sky

To signal she was coming

So you think so, huh?

Yes, I think so. She’s coming.

She came round. She came round.

She rang the bell and ran around

Our camp and hid beyond

The horizon

But did not come in.

She played and played,

And toyed with things left loose,

But never stayed.  Never stayed.

She just arched her back

Rolled on her side

And went her own way

And so, in our own time, did we.

With nothing missing, no memories lost,

We marched along the bank

Through the aspen coins,

Until the goodbyes ran

Under the bridge and over

The falls.

But later, many miles later,

We saw her again.

She came, she came, running red,

From beyond the setting sun.

She ran and ran.

Blue slip showing,

She tried to race us home

Before night fell.

On the storm that missed us up near Squaw Lake in the wilderness of Colorado and the river of red dust near Amarillo.

Lest I Reach Out

January 4, 2013

I know; Thou hast sent me

 from the garden

Lest I reach out and touch

 The tree of life

That grows there.

I now Lord beg Thee allow

 Me to return

Let me reach out and touch

 The tree of life

That died here.

Beersheba, Well of the Oath

January 29, 2013 (Genesis 26)

Searching, thirsty-

In the land of your promise

We have found water

Struggling, digging-

In the depths of your heart

We have found water

Waiting, Wandering-

In the rain of your spirit

We have found water.